Dementia care at home is rarely something families prepare for.
Most people come to it confused, overwhelmed, and unsure whether what they’re seeing is “normal” or something more.

The reflections below come from families I’ve supported — as they tried to understand what was happening, make decisions, and care for loved ones with dignity at home.

When my parents moved from their long-time family home into a bungalow in 2012, they were still managing well. My mother was 79, my father 85, and apart from the normal frailty of age, they remained independent with some family support. Over the next few years, both their physical and mental health declined. This became more apparent after my mother broke her hip, leaving her immobile and increasingly vulnerable. What we had not fully appreciated at the time was the extent of their cognitive decline. When I spent time with them to understand what was happening, it became clear that the situation was far worse than we had realised. The house was chaotic, shopping deliveries were being repeatedly ordered, and my mother had become vulnerable to predatory marketing. Soon after, she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, and my father with vascular dementia. Although social services were involved, their role was limited. What we truly needed was someone who understood dementia in real life — practically and emotionally. I accepted Nzilani’s offer of help, and she came to stay with my parents, helping to organise the household and guide us through what we were facing. As my parents’ needs increased, it became clear they could no longer be left alone safely. Nzilani provided live-in care initially and later built and managed a small, consistent care team. This arrangement worked well for several years, even as the dementia progressed and symptoms such as disturbed sleep, hallucinations, and confusion became more challenging. Eventually, their needs exceeded what could reasonably be managed at home, and we moved them into a care home. My father passed away at the end of 2024, and my mother remains in care. Coping with dementia in a loved one is confusing and emotionally draining for families. Having someone with experience, clarity, and kindness makes an enormous difference. Knowing that my parents were treated with dignity, respect, and understanding — and that their daily lives were thoughtfully organised to keep them safe and comfortable — eased a huge burden for our family.  

Nzilani supported us while we were caring for our mum with Lewy body dementia at a time when she was struggling with being overwhelmed. She helped trying to make sense of how best to support Mum focusing on realistic steps centred on Mum's wellbeing.What stood out immediately was Nzilani’s calm, thoughtful presence. She took time to carefully assess the situation rather than rushing to conclusions, which helped reduce anxiety for all of us. Her approach was measured and reassuring.Nzilani suggested practical strategies that helped reduce overwhelm and brought a noticeable sense of steadiness to daily life. She was particularly attentive to which activities were appropriate and meaningful, with a strong focus on preserving enjoyment and moments of joy rather than simply managing symptoms.She was also able to guide us through potentially difficult conversations about what might work best going forward as a family. These discussions were handled with honesty, sensitivity, and respect, helping us feel supported rather than judged. She has shared additional resources to help us adapt to changes going forward. Overall, Nzilani’s input made a genuine difference — not just in practical terms, but in helping us reframe our approach with greater confidence and calm

Tabi has looked after my mother, who has Parkinson’s Disease and anxiety, on two separate occasions to cover our usual live-in carer’s breaks. The first time was for two weeks , then and the second for three. She has consistently shown herself to be professional and organised, which has been of particular help to my mother who is very sensitive. For example, she programmed her phone with my mother’s medication schedule from day 1, thus ensuring the correct medication was taken on time. She also demonstrated her emotional intelligence and care by supporting my mother to prepare and take her own medication, thereby encouraging my mother’s independence, whilst ensuring no mistakes were made. Tabi is also a very calm and solid presence, who observes intelligently. For example, she quietly leaves the room to allow for family conversations. She knows when to retreat to her private space and to leave her client with their own home. She also watches for behaviour patterns and sensitively works with (and even around where necessary) her client. Tabi communicates well with her client’s family. She will proactively describe what she has noticed and will make sensitive suggestions if asked. For example, she noticed that my mother was worrying about whose food was whose in the kitchen, so we agreed Tabi would quietly remove the worry by keeping her food in a separate place. Tabi has shown herself to be open and curious. We have had some very enjoyable conversations at mealtimes about wildlife in Kenya and I know my mother found an eager listener in Tabi when she talked about her own lifetime with animals or when she and Tabi went out for nature walks in the countryside. I have had the opportunity to observe Tabi working with my mother on two separate occasions for a number of days at a time. In summary , I have found her to be an easy presence in the house — a professional Live in Care Companion,who sensitively looks out for her client and supports them with gentleness and consistency.”

Every dementia journey is different, but confusion, uncertainty, and emotional strain are common threads. If you’re supporting a loved one at home and trying to understand what’s happening — or wondering how to respond with more calm and clarity — support can make a real difference.